Slow Dating. Slow. Please.

I had already my quota of dates. Many of them fruitful from online forums (remember IRC?! Yes, that’s right…) or dating applications (horrible!). But sometimes I go back to the silly thought that I must adapt or conform to what most people do – and now they are pretty much all into online dating.

I think online dating has become the supersonic version of speed dating. In less than 3 minutes you are asked at least one of the following questions:

  • do you have kids?
  • what’s you job?
  • can we trade WhatsApp messages?

At some point – and after many terrible experiences – I gave up on it. It’s not about the platform: you can develop a deep and interesting connection through any online website or tool. However, people automatically seem to engage in some sort of “fast dating script” that makes them look like robots and not at all like human beings.

Moreover, if we pay attention to what people write in their profiles we soon conclude that people try to “pre-select” their options in the silliest and more superficial way one can imagine. Criteria (from men to women) are usually the following:

  • must know how to take care of herself
  • must have a good sense of humour
  • must like to go to the gym, and
  • must like to go out as well as to stay at home watching Netflix

Then there’s also their ‘personal’ description, the ‘window’ they open about themselves, which usually is something like:

  • tall and cheeky with a big heart
  • the kid on the photo is not mine
  • here for a good time
  • looking for someone who is fun
  • love confident strong women

Then when there is a match, the script kicks in and it’s pretty much always the same.

  • first minute: hi, how are you?
  • second minute: what do you do?
  • third minute: can we chat on whatstapp?

Maybe this was entertaining when I was 20 years old, but now I am already fed up of reading the same script every time. Conversations run dry after 10 minutes because there is nothing substantial to make the connection going on. It’s like you either go at the supersonic speed and you book the guy or it’s over. But how do you know if you really should go on a date with that guy without knowing anything about him? I mean, more than his phone number, his name and his job title?

There should be something called ‘slow dating’. I don’t mean that we should go back in time but I think we should at least stop to consider if we are actually making decisions in the best way we can. Of course that if you want to go from failure to failure, that’s absolutely fine, but why date every guy on the planet to find one that suits you when you can just try to know more about his core self first? And if he wants to fast forward… wish him ‘bon voyage!’.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. I tried online dating for a while and met some interesting characters. You completely nailed the process here! And then there is always the thought…this guy seems alright but maybe the next profile will be better…like online people shopping Haha

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Vanessa Dias says:

      Hahaha I had never looked at it in that perspective (“maybe the next profile will be better”) – but that’s true! If it goes wrong… we come back and try again with that hope. I honestly think I will be better without online dating, but that’s my personal conclusion. Just like someone said, if you keep doing the same thing and expect different results… 😀

      Liked by 1 person

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