Kissing Your Own Wounded Self

When I was a kid, whenever I got physically injured my family would say “I will give it a kiss so pain can go away quicker”. This worked like a mind switch for me, a magic spell that would take my attention away from the pain I was feeling to a place filled with healing love. The wound would still be there, it would still hurt, but at the same time I would be able to cope until the first harsh moments were gone.

I think it’s easier for us as human beings to process physical pain than emotional pain though – we can’t really see the last one, we feel it but most of the times we don’t know from where it stems and thus we don’t know which or where to apply any remedy. Nonetheless, I recently realised that we can meet this invisible pain with the same healing and loving intention that my family used to treat my physical wounds. We can kiss our emotional pain by simply acknowledging it and by bringing some love to it.

Usually we run away from what we don’t know anything about. When we feel emotionally uncomfortable and we don’t know why, we just want it to go away. That’s when we try to distract our mind and body from the pain, but in an unhelpful way. Instead of accepting what is there, we suppress it. We don’t want to think about it and we expect that by doing so the unwanted feelings will go away sooner or later.

The truth is that they won’t. They may be suspended for a while but they will strike us again and again either in dreams, memories or flash backs. Then the hurt and pain will be brought to life again, maybe even more harshly. That’s why I think the best way to deal with unwanted feelings is to face them. The reason we don’t face them is that we think it will make it worse, it will make us feel more pain. However pain will only go away when the wound is healed beyond the surface – and as with any physical wound it always hurts more harshly in the beginning of the healing process.

The same thing happens with our emotional wounds: when we face them, oh hell yeah how it hurts. But then we see straight through them and we act upon them with healing love. And sure, it will acutely hurt as soon as you apply this medicine in yourself. It will be itchy and you will even want to curse or stop the treatment. But that’s the only way it will heal fully. So if you decide to be brave enough to kiss your own wounded self, just remember to do the same thing as any mother or father would do to a child: blow upon the wound gently and keep reminding yourself that soon it will be over.

 

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