I love people. But there are some days in which I clearly don’t want to see or connect with people at all, because my nature automatically sets me up to get deeply involved with them. I actively listen to them and I actively try to make sense of what they say, how they feel and what they do, so I can offer them the best solutions I can think of. Nonetheless, that’s tiring and energy consuming.
The way I have to deal with this overwhelming experience is to often have time to spend by myself, in which I disconnect from others. I find it hard to ignore messages, e-mails or phone-calls but I started doing it for my own sake. I was tired of getting tired from assisting other people’s dramas.
But what if I changed the way I perceive the connections I make with others? What if instead of anticipating a very draining experience I choose to look at my connections with the purpose of learning more about myself, my limits and how I communicate my own needs or establish relationship boundaries? Through all these years, I have been assuming that I simply have to put up with draining connections – so much that I sometimes wrongly anticipate them to happen, even when someone just wants to ask “where is the staple?”.
Thus, I was refusing to see the lessons behind every connection by conforming to my role of “supporter” and “emotional sickness bag” of others – the good and kind listener that helps everyone to sort out their life’s biggest problems. For some reason, I signed up for that role and in the long term I got fed up with the job. I had been voluntarily offering my energy and not questioning for a second what was I doing wrong, what was my responsibility every time I felt drained by others. I chose to blame and label them as “awful people” when actually I was projecting what I didn’t want to accept in me: the fact that sometimes I am not that great person I pretend to be.
So meditating about this issue I understood that in the end it had very little to do with others or the way “they just are”. The connections have been there to teach me what I didn’t want to see and learn about myself. That’s why now I clearly realise how every connection is an opportunity and an invitation to learn more about who we truly are. After all, our reality is always a projection of the good and the bad within us. We merely want to pretend that there is no bad, only good. And that’s the main reason why we don’t learn to manage our lives as fast as we could.
It’s very tempting to blame and judge others as the bad cops. We do it to protect ourselves, to save us from the incredible hurting truth that we are not that great, we are not that perfect. It’s time for us to become real and face whatever is there inside us, because that’s where all the solutions reside.