I am there again. I am letting all that energy hit me harshly in the face. And in every single and small bone of my body. I am being drained, throughout the day, without even understanding how or being able to notice it in real time.
My eyes are starting to feel dry and I feel like I have two dark holes in their place instead. My head feels heavy, weighed down by my brain, full of thoughts and calculations. My sleep is out of order and when I do sleep I don’t rest. I have been waking up every day more tired than that very moment at night when my head hits the pillow.
And today I stopped the work I was doing when I realised I was craving alcohol and bad food. I know myself enough to know those cravings didn’t came out of the blue. They came with a purpose. The purpose of telling me that I am in the highway to collapse, if I don’t act quickly.
Burnout is coming my way. Again. The question I need to put myself this time is “what is it for? what’s the lesson I haven’t learnt yet?”. Last time I decided to work from home and I regained my spirit, my passion and wellbeing. Now that I was asked to return to work from the office I start to loose my sparkle again almost immediately.
And to think I haven’t known anxiety, stress and confusion for months. It feels weird to feel it all again. I feel powerless. Crushed.