It takes time.
Sometimes it takes me a whole lot of time to move on. But when I do, I do it for good. There are no setbacks. There are no more chances to give. And I look back no more. I get done with it.
I quit responding to calls, texts, and subjective signals that are no more than ‘crying out for attention’ strategies. They are subtle ways to make me give as I used to. Though, I am no one’s mother or father to keep reinforcing egos that solely desire to receive and receive, without giving anything at all in return. Yes, I know it was my fault, I recognise it. I know I kept feeding someone’s self-esteem, I know I kept offering a comfortable shoulder, and I know I kept rubbing someone’s head when I shouldn’t. I know it all, but I also know I loved. I actually had the best intentions for all of them.
The problem, I guess, was that I didn’t have the best intentions for myself and that’s why it always took me a whole lot of time to move on whenever people chose a different direction to a place in which I was nowhere to be found. I would be no more part of their life plan for whatever reason. They got enough of what they wanted and they were ready to leave. And I was never ready to accept it. Instead I would try to cling on, attached to illusions and false hopes.
Eventually I did always wake up as well, at some point. I wake up when the obvious can’t be no longer denied. I wake up when I see myself almost destroyed and very far from my best self. I wake up when bells start to ring really loud and someone shouts that I am worthy of much more.
By that time I move on. I follow that voice and something in me deeply believes in it. I am worthy of something better. I don’t know what that is, but I learn something more about that every time I move on, every time I find myself again, every time I meet who I truly am.
When that happens, there is no return. The path becomes again the search for my best version and that version accepts nothing less than the best. And the best is an authentic connection with someone who knows what, how and when to receive and give, someone who is fearless about being in the moment and speaking the truth that lays in his or her heart.