Here is the deal: as long as you just exist to feed someone else’s ego, you are doomed to unhappiness. Why? Well, let me introduce you to my most recent realisation.
I have been talking about self-love a lot and I deeply believe that’s the biggest requirement to truly love another and be happy in union. However, what I haven’t said yet is that there are different levels of self-love… which means that when you start working around this subject you find out that there is actually more work to be done than you expected.
I naively thought that I would just need to take care of myself more often. If I took care of myself, then I would stop making bad decisions about love, because supposedly I would love myself, right? But taking care of ourselves is just one layer of self-love. We need to dive deep and keep searching for patterns and internal models that need to be changed or transformed. And a good example of these patterns is when we consistently keep feeding other people’s ego.
Yes, that’s right. If you ever suffered from a lack of self-love, even if just a tiny one, you will recognise how you easily keep pleasing people because you actually don’t fully love yourself. You don’t love yourself enough to understand that you are simply reinforcing someone’s narcissism and let them have you literally in their pocket. They just drop one line and there you are, falling again into their hypnosis, oblivious to the fact that self-love is also about keeping your standards high.
But let me be more clear with an example – when you are feeding someone’s ego, you get trapped in a cycle like this:
- he or she texts you and you text back right after, boosting his or her ego by showing how much over the moon you are by the fact he/she is texting you;
- he or she texts you back only three days after, but…
- you promptly reply within minutes again, because you “LOVE” them…, and
- you wait three more days for another response, but you accept it as normal, because you “LOVE” them… and who are you to ask for more, right?
The thing is… You are so obsessed with him or her that you can’t do do the right math, so you keep devaluing yourself while building up their ego. The trade is not fair at all. You keep feeding them and they know, unconsciously though, that you will wait for them and thus they can keep you at whatever distance they feel comfortable with.
Where is your self-love in there? No where to be found! Please realise that people with this behaviour are too egotistical to allow you in to the deepest places of their beings. Not because they fear you will run away, but because they fear their strong and untouchable image may be completely crushed, causing them to deal with themselves for real, once in a lifetime.