I won’t judge you, I won’t. I did it twice. I gave into someone else’s love because I was tired of feeling alone, of being single. The first time endured for two years and I was not aware of what I was actually doing, even though I knew I was not happy at all. The second one lasted two months, because as soon as I realised I was doing it all over again I decided to stop it and become real, to be truthful and honest with the person I had in front of me. But most of all I had to be true with myself.
When we are lonely for some time, when we deeply lack self-love, when things seem not to go right and everyone around us seem happy in a relationship… we do the most stupid things in order to feel not so bad or unhappy. We get into a relationship with the first person that shows us their feelings and state that hey are available to kiss our wounds. They do anything for us, what is possible and what it’s not, just to win our love. But we can’t really love them because we didn’t love ourselves in the first place, otherwise we would not find ourselves in that miserable situation – we wouldn’t put ourselves in that place where you go with the first option that comes in because you gave up waiting and working on yourself.
The funny thing is that I have been also the other person. I have been also the one who forces her love into someone’s life just to find out that they were reacting to me from their loneliness and thus they grabbed some of my love just because they felt they had nothing else in their life to bring them happiness. They tried to convince themselves that my love was the right thing to embrace, without even listening to their hearts. They knew all along that they didn’t love me. They liked the idea of feeling love for me someday, but they didn’t love me at that moment.
The result? Someone gets hurt. Often, deeply wounded.
You see, I can’t really judge you, because I have been there, in both sides. However I want to ask you something: please be honest with yourself. Please be aware of your feelings and what your heart truly says to you. Become real and authentic, act from your heart centre as much and whenever you can, because when you do that you not only do what is best for you but you also do what is best for the other person. So always speak the truth instead of trying hard to make things fit and therefore erase your loneliness. Stop feeding the lie. That’s cruel. That’s selfish. That’s very egotistical…
This is only what I ask you: just be clear with yourself and prevent from hurting others with your unconscious selfishness.